A couple weeks ago, after I had said goodnight to Esther and told her that I’d come to bed late for the umpteenth time, I found myself asking myself, “Is this all worth it?” Since then, I can’t seem to get that question out of my head and it seems to apply to every situation.
Is it worth it to leave home, comfort, friends, and family to do something that has no definite guarantees of success? Is it worth it to try and establish a whole new life knowing that you’ll probably have to leave again in 3 years? Is it worth missing out on your new nephew’s first three years of life where the extent of your relationship is confined to watching him blow raspberries on webcam? Is it worth leaving the church you love, the community you love, the worship team you love, and try and rediscover community as the outsider? Is it worth not being there to walk with your best friend in his new marriage or not be with other friends as they have (or try to have) kids because you’re pursuing something that you could very well fail at? Is it worth taking Esther away from everything she loves and is comfortable with simply because you’re doing what YOU want to do?
And then, after telling myself to suck it up and to stop being such a drama queen, I look 10-15 years ahead and imagine, “What if I DIDN’T?” What if we never took the risk? What if I never gave myself the chance to fail because I was too scared? What if I played it safe my entire life? Could I really live with myself after that? Could I teach that kinda lesson to my kids?
I guess in the end, all I can really believe is that One Day It’ll All Make Sense, but for now I have to believe that I’m always better off taking risks with God than you are playing it safe by myself.
A good friend gave me a reminder this past weekend of the verse that encouraged me to begin this journey in the first place. Enjoy.
-nev-
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November 18, 2009 at 2:20 am
Nancy
Uncle Neville! We love you and know that you are brave for taking a risk. 3 years in the big picture is a very small amount of time. You will figure things out and all will be gravy. Jesus told me so.
Thank God for iChat! He’s laughing now. Like laughing HARD! But so far, it’s only with me. He doesn’t laugh that way with Garrett, but I said it’s because it’s my reward for waking up throughout the night and not having slept more than 4 hours straight since the kid has been born. And for losing hair and going bald.
I’ll try to have his first words be “Uncle Neville” but no guarantees.
We love you!!
November 18, 2009 at 3:08 am
Amy
Someone once told me that it’s not about the destination, but about the journey. It sure sounds like a bunch of BS, but I suppose it’s true. =p
You and Est are on one CRAZY journey…and as scary/lonely/exhausting/challenging as it may be, I think it’s an exciting one for the both of you and you guys will be stronger for it. Who knows what’ll happen 3 years from now…maybe you guys will be back in Cali, or maybe you’ll have grown to love Boston by then (small maybe)! In any case, you two have the unique opportunity of meeting and loving on all the Bostonians out there, and Boston will be better for it!
Kev & I are excited to see where this “journey” takes you…we’re rooting for you two!
Until December, cheers!
December 1, 2009 at 9:34 am
Sukhee
Hey, Nev.
I came across your site through FB and enjoyed reading this post. You know, after moving out east from Oregon/Seattle/Anchorage and living in Boston for 4 years, I’m starting to feel the same way about leaving Boston in a few short weeks. It’s been a LONG road and I can tell you all the stories that I’ve endured during my time here and at Sargent (and through God’s grace I’m getting through), but bottom line (in my opinion) is yes, it is worth it for various reasons. Don’t hold back on new friendships and community while your out here!
April 13, 2010 at 7:45 pm
Lindsay
This really helped me, just so you know. I’ve been doubting my decision to switch schools lately and I’ve been so encouraged by your post. Thank you so much for posting this, even though we’ve never even met, I just saw your blog through a friend. God Bless!
April 15, 2010 at 1:05 am
sympathetichippo
Lindsay – glad it helped! we’re really bad at updating this frequently enough. hope we can stay connected!